alaska's snowy legs.

a few years ago my brother adam came to visit when we lived in hawaii.
i had not moved to arizona yet, and i was sure everything was very simply complicated.
school was important and getting to haiku to play music was a fucking journey.
i bought a journal so i could write things down at the end of everyday. i got compulsive about it and started writing everytime i had a chance. everytime i stopped someplace, i would take out my journal and write about what was going on. it was like a mechanical process. i'd do some things. some simply complicated things. and then i would stop and write about them. just in case maybe i died and somebody really wanted know what was happening with every simply complicated thing in my simply complicated life.

now, school is a joke. adam lives in turkey. my journal is digital letters back and forth to the love of my life. there is no simple complication. there is only complicated complication. oh. and haiku seems a little closer when the journey is across the pacific ocean.

anyway. jake is coming today. it has not really occurred to me until this point that jake is actually gone. he doesn't even live here anymore. not even a little. his room is only here because he happened to be living with us when we moved. in fact, if i moved with my family right now, we would probably buy a two bedroom house. because we don't need a bedroom for jake.
and jake is coming today. and so it goes.
and everything is simply complicated again. he's coming but only for two weeks. and he's "coming home" and it feels to me like it's a good thing that i will be here when he comes home because i have not seen him in a year. but i'm not really home. it's like im visiting my parents house and maybe i've been here too long and im really starting to miss my home.

anyway. my bed is way too fucking big. there is not enough josh for the amount of bed that i have. i need you.

If I could be anything in the world that flew

I would be a bat and come swooping after you